Raising girls to be leaders

Raising girls to be leaders starts with building confidence, teaching them to speak up, and creating everyday opportunities for decision-making. Parents are one of the most powerful influences on whether a girl grows into someone who believes she can lead. This guide pulls from the latest research to give you practical, evidence-backed strategies you can start using today.

When to start working on girls' confidence and leadership skills

It's helpful to start building confidence and resilience at an early age:

• From around ages 6–8, research shows girls begin to lose confidence in their skills and become more risk-averse — even when their actual abilities haven't changed
• This accelerates in the tween years: a 2023 survey found just 55% of girls felt confident, down from 68% in 2017, and 55% said they were afraid to lead because they didn't want to be called bossy

The decline in confidence is not inevitable: intentional parental support can counteract it. Small, cumulative experiences across childhood matter more than any single program or conversation in the teen years. Leadership identity is built over years, not in one talk — so adults should start early and stay consistent.

How to build your daughter's confidence and self-efficacy

Self-efficacy — the belief that you are capable of succeeding — is one of the strongest predictors of leadership, academic performance, and resilience in teenagers. The most effective way to build it is through direct experience of mastery: give your daughter frequent opportunities to do genuinely hard things and succeed.

Start with manageable challenges and raise the stakes as she grows:

• Around age 11: Let her handle low-stakes practical tasks independently — emailing a teacher about a missed assignment, handling a complaint at a store, arranging her own plans. Resist doing it for her; these small wins accumulate into a durable sense of "I can handle things"
• Around age 13–14: Raise the stakes deliberately — encourage her to try out for something competitive, take on a leadership role in a club, or tackle a subject she finds hard. Be aware that adults often jump in too quickly to help girls — particularly in STEM and sports — unintentionally signaling that she can't manage on her own
• Around age 15–17: Introduce real-world challenges — negotiating a work schedule, navigating a conflict with a coach or teacher herself, or taking on a project with genuine stakes. Research shows teens with strong self-efficacy experience less anxiety and bounce back faster from setbacks — and that resilience is built through experiences she owns, not ones you smooth out for her

At every age: let your daughter see you do hard things and talk openly about them — research shows teens build self-efficacy by watching the adults in their lives manage challenges.

How to help you daughter speak up and use her voice

Research shows as many as two-thirds of girls aged 8–17 hold back from speaking their minds because they fear being seen as unlikable — this pattern sets in gradually, and the antidote is graduated practice.

• Around age 11: Build the daily habit of asking for what she needs — ordering her own food, calling to reschedule an appointment. Ask her "What do you think?" regularly and wait for a real answer rather than filling the silence
• Around age 13–14: Help her name her fears rather than dismiss them — ask "What are you afraid might happen if you speak up?" and "What's the best thing that could happen?" Role-play responses to specific situations so the words feel familiar before the moment arrives: "That didn't feel great to hear" or "Please don't talk about me that way"
• Around age 15–17: Encourage her to speak up in higher-stakes contexts — disagreeing with a teacher respectfully, advocating for herself in a job or internship, or pushing back in a group where she's the only girl. These are the moments that build the kind of voice she'll carry into adulthood

At every age: share stories of times you spoke up when it felt risky — and be honest about what it cost you to stay silent. Girls learn as much from watching you as from anything you tell them.

How to help your daughter deal with failure

Girls fear failure more than boys do across the globe — in part because adults hold girls to higher standards and criticize them more when they fall short, leading girls to internalize mistakes more deeply. The antidote is a growth mindset: the belief that abilities can be developed with effort. Research shows it leads to better learning and greater resilience — and growth mindset interventions close the achievement gap between boys and girls, with girls' scores improving the most. Here's how.

• Praise effort consistently, even when the outcome isn't what she hoped: get excited about how hard she worked, not just the grade or the win
• When your daughter makes a mistake, ask "What did you learn?" and share examples from your own life of efforts that didn't go as planned and what you took from them
• Help her add "yet" to negative self-talk: "I can't do this — yet" is a small language shift with strong research support

How to help your daughter set bold, healthy goals

Ambition and drive are powerful assets — you can teach her to direct that energy toward goals that are genuinely hers. Help her connect goals to her own values: research shows that when teens pursue goals aligned with their values, their resilience, well-being, and chances of success all improve

• Create relaxed, open conversations about aspirations — in the car, at dinner — not formal sit-downs; ask "Where do you see yourself next year? How do you want to feel?"
• Actively coach her to resist external pressure: help her notice when she's pursuing a goal because it matters to her, versus because someone else expects it
• Help her see when her standards are too high: ask "What sacrifices are you making when you're trying to be perfect?" and remind her that progress — not perfection — is the goal.

Exposing your daughter to strong role models

Research confirms that role models with a visible growth mindset — who talk openly about effort, struggle, and learning — are more motivating for girls than those who simply appear successful. Try the following.

• Let your daughter see you do hard things: apply for new jobs, learn new skills, speak up in difficult situations — and talk to her about how you manage the fear and uncertainty
• Share stories from your own experience of times you spoke up, took a risk, or pushed through failure — and be honest about what it cost you to stay quiet or play it safe
• Introduce her to a wide range of female leaders — in sports, science, business, politics, and the arts. And make sure she spends in-person time with women you know and respect, including relatives and your friends and colleagues

Research shows that when girls are introduced to a more expansive definition of leadership, they are more likely to see themselves as leaders.

How to talk to your daughter about gender bias — and actually prepare her for it

Most parents talk to daughters about gender bias, but only two in five discuss how it might impact their daughters personally — and that gap has real consequences for girls' outcomes. Girls who hear honest messages from caregivers about the realities of gender bias tend to have better outcomes than those who don't; pretending bias doesn't exist leaves girls more frustrated and less equipped when they encounter it. Here are some ideas on how to broach the conversation.

• Balance real talk with empowerment: acknowledge discrimination, then pivot to your daughter's concrete strengths and achievements — vague praise like "you can be anything" can fuel perfectionism; specific affirmation of real accomplishments works better
• Use everyday moments as conversation starters: movies, sports coverage, stories from school — drop nuggets when she's open rather than lecturing
• Fathers matter: only one in three fathers have talked to their daughters about gender bias — but research shows men play a crucial role in signaling that bias is worth taking seriously