Meeting Guide
Gender Beyond The Binary: Circle Discussion Guide
Overview
Tilted: A Lean In Podcast brings you conversations at the intersection of gender and culture. We dig into topics we’re curious about, highlight inspiring people and stories, and share expert advice to help you make the playing field a little less tilted. Individually or as a group, listen to “Gender beyond the binary with Joey Soloway & Jacob Tobia,” the first episode in Season 2 of Tilted (available here). Use the questions below for a group discussion on the themes and ideas shared in the episode.
About this episode
- More than a third of Gen Zers know someone who uses gender-neutral pronouns. But the binary view of gender is still deeply ingrained in our society. For this episode of Tilted, we’re taking a close look at what it would mean to really break the gender mold. We talk to two amazing non-binary artists—Joey Soloway, creator of the hit TV series Transparent, and Jacob Tobia, actor, producer, and author of the memoir Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story—about their personal journeys with their gender identities and what we can all do to be more open and inclusive.
Check-In
Group activity
5 minutes or less
An icebreaker is a powerful tool to help us become present with one another and ourselves. Use this icebreaker to see how your Circle members currently feel. Go around your Circle and share an update on how you’re feeling using the traffic light colors:
- Green (mostly good)
- Yellow (mixed feelings, unsure, or just OK)
- Red (mostly not doing great)
You can also briefly share why you’re feeling that way if you’d like.
Discussion Questions
Group activity
Approx. 35 minutes
These questions are designed to help you and your Circle members process and discuss the findings of the episode.
Have someone in the group read aloud the key takeaways from this episode, summarized below:
- Binary thinking isn’t limited to gender. We have a tendency to sort things into only two categories, or to see only two options—and pushing ourselves to break out of binary thinking can open up new possibilities.
- We often assume we know someone’s gender before we even talk to them (for example, a waiter greeting a group of “ladies” in a restaurant). There’s almost always a gender-neutral alternative to gendered greetings—usually, it’s as simple as just saying hello.
- Even for people who identify as cisgender, gender is fluid and complex. We all express and experience our gender in different ways, and for most of us, some aspect of our gender identity goes against the binary norm.
- We can think of transness as a bridge. Some people identify as trans because they cross from man to woman or woman to man, but there are also a lot of non-binary people who stay on the bridge and identify with both genders, or neither.
- Children naturally explore and express their true gender identities, and we should encourage them to do so without shame or expectation. If your child is exploring different expressions of gender, celebrate that and let them lead.
As a group, discuss the following questions. Pick one question to start with and move on to the other questions if you have time.
- What are some places (other than gender) that binary thinking shows up in your life? What could you learn or gain by challenging that thinking?
- Have you ever been misgendered or accidentally misgendered someone else? How did you navigate that interaction? If it happened again, what would you do differently?
- As Jacob points out, there is no such thing as “just” a woman or a man. What are some subtleties or complexities in your personal gender identity? Are there ways in which your gender expression goes against what you think of as “expected”?
One Action
Group activity
Approx. 10 minutes
Come up with a One Action
Individual activity
Approx. 5 minutes
We recommend you close every meeting by committing to a “One Action”—one concrete thing you’re going to do before your next Circle meeting to step outside your comfort zone, practice a new skill, or try something new, based on what you’ve discussed today.
Next time you meet, update your Circle on your One Action (what you did and how it went).
Think about an action you can take to be more inclusive of different gender identities or expressions in your daily life.
Take a few minutes and ask everyone to write down their One Action.
Share your One Action with your Circle
Group activity
Approx. 5 minutes
One by one, go around your Circle and and complete the following statement: I commit to [small step] to be more inclusive of different gender identities or expressions in my daily life.
Move quickly from member to member, and consider cheering one another on as you go.
Wrap-Up
Group activity
Approx. 10 minutes
Finalize logistics of your next meeting
Group activity
Approx. 5 minutes
Before you break, make sure you have the basics covered for your next meeting, including day and time. Decide what you’re going to do, when you are going to meet next, and who is going to send out ideas. You may also want to talk through what worked—and what didn’t—in today’s meeting so you can brainstorm improvements going forward.
Close on an uplifting note
Group activity
Approx. 5 minutes
Think of one small moment of joy you can plan for this week. Go around your Circle one by one and share what you’ll do. Alternatively, take a few minutes to write down something you’re grateful for—and share it with the group, if you’d like to.