Brevement-Next Steps

How do I 'lean in' with dealing with the loss of my mother who was my everything? She was my world and the first of many first anniversaries is so hard to deal with that the next steps seem impossible. My mum's 1st year anniversary of her passing is next month and even the thought of going a whole year of not laughing, speaking, cuddling with her is too much to bear that I cannot begin to even imagine the pain of any more years without her. Please help me to lean in.