#inspireinclusion 5 ways adults can lift up girls as leaders

Are you prepared to inspire the girls in your life to lead on their own terms today and into the future? Let’s check. When you think of a strong leader, what traits come to mind? For each of the lines below, select the attribute that you most associate with leadership.

Leaders tend to be…

• Competitive OR Collaborative
• Directive OR Cooperative
• Vocal OR Observant
• Decisive OR Reflective
• Outgoing OR Reserved

Did you select more of the attributes listed first in the exercise? If so, you’re far from alone. For many of us, when we think of a leader, we picture someone — often a man — who is competitive, vocal, and tells others what to do. But that image represents a narrow definition of leadership that isn’t always inclusive and makes it hard for a lot of girls to be seen and to see themselves as leaders. It’s common, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only way to lead! In fact, there is no one way to lead, and this definition misses so much of what leadership is about. 

The truth is that everyone can be a leader. We can lead in big, bold ways and through the small actions we take every day.

Girls often face limiting stereotypes about how they should and shouldn't lead. And even when girls do not buy into negative messages about their ability to lead, bias can still make them feel self-conscious and unwelcome in leadership positions. That’s why it’s so important to expand our collective definition of leadership so girls can see — and celebrate — themselves as leaders. 

The truth is that everyone can be a leader. We can lead in big, bold ways and through the small actions we take every day. Leading could look like speaking up, working toward a shared goal, or respecting and including people around us. But it could also look like encouraging or inspiring others, or creating something new on our own or alongside a team.

Here's what you need to know

Girls' perceptions of leadership — including their own desire to lead — are formed in significant ways before the age of five and have lifelong impacts.¹ Early on, girls get the message that they aren’t supposed to be leaders. For example, while boys are often commended by teachers for being direct and taking the lead, girls who do the same often receive backlash and risk being seen as unlikeable or bossy.² Additionally, research finds over a third of girls say that they have been told they are too loud or opinionated when they take the lead.³

These kinds of early negative messages are based on common stereotypes that girls should be quiet and deferential to others, and they can have a tremendous impact: girls who are subjected to them are more likely to avoid leadership opportunities.⁴ To add to this, girls can face likeability bias, whereby they’re seen as less likeable when they deviate from outdated gender expectations — like being kind or communal — and instead lean into being more assertive.⁵

When girls know how to push back against unfair treatment, they are less likely to internalize negative messages or blame themselves when they experience bias.

The good news is that parents, caregivers, and educators can help shift the narrative and empower girls to be all that they can be. Although we can’t eliminate the negative stereotypes girls are up against entirely (at least not right away), we can reduce the power they have over girls by helping them recognize them. Research shows that this level of awareness is good for girls. When girls know how to push back against unfair treatment, they are less likely to internalize negative messages or blame themselves when they experience bias.⁶

Lean In Girls is teaching girls that there are many ways to lead, and giving them the tools to see — and celebrate — the many ways they’re already leading. You can reshape girls’ perceptions of what it means to lead, and ensure that every girl is set up to be a leader today and in the future. 

Here are 5 ways to #InspireInclusion by expanding a definition of leadership to include girls:

• Get Real About Stereotypes – Talking to girls about the gender stereotypes that shape misconceptions about their capabilities is critical to ensuring they feel included in leadership.⁷ Start by calling out stereotypes like girls are too quiet to lead, or women are too emotional to be effective decision-makers. This can be followed by a conversation about who they view as a leader in their lives and why. Research finds that when we provide diverse examples of accomplished women who don't adhere to stereotypical, narrow perceptions of leadership, we can shift girls’ thinking about gender roles in a positive way.⁸
• Redefine Leadership – Expanding the language we use to describe leadership goes a long way to making girls see themselves as leaders. Whether that be better monitoring the way we describe other women leaders at work, or more intentionally talking about the variety of ways we demonstrate leadership, we should all consider expanding our view of what an effective leader looks like. For example, lauding a leader for being compassionate or a good listener can serve as a model for girls looking to see themselves as leaders. 
• Reframe How We Speak About Girls Who Lead  – Pointing out gender bias and reframing terms like “bossy” to describe girls who like to take charge can help girls feel more confident when leading others. This could also look like switching the term “pushy” to “determined,” “conceited” to “strong-willed,” “loud,” to “confident,” or “quiet” to “observant.” Offering descriptors with a positive connotation can help girls shift their mindset around taking the lead. Additionally, calling out bias in language can help them better identify and challenge sexism in their environments.⁹
• Model Inclusive Leadership by Advocating for Others – Acting as an advocate and ally for others is another powerful way for adults to model a more inclusive form of leadership. When women model behaviors like speaking up and championing other women, girls are more likely to follow suit and develop the courage to do the same.¹⁰
• Celebrate When Girls Lead – When we champion girls for taking the lead by starting a new club at school, speaking up for others, or standing up for what they believe in (even when it doesn’t go the way they hoped), we send the message that they are demonstrating valued leadership traits.¹¹ This is important because when girls lead assertively, they can be told that they should dial it back.¹² Taking the opposite approach and encouraging leadership helps build resilience to setbacks and develop the confidence we want to see in all future leaders.¹³

Bonus activity

1. Invite your teen to picture a “strong leader.” Share that you’re going to read a list of character traits. Ask your teen to call out the traits they most associate with being a leader. Consider joining in the activity with them.
   SAMPLE SCRIPT: I want you to picture a “strong leader.” I’m going to read a list of traits. Let’s each call out the traits that we most associate with being a leader. No fence-sitting! 
   
   
2. Read the below traits, pausing after each prompt to share your responses. 
   SAMPLE SCRIPT: “Strong leaders” …
   - Are more competitive OR collaborative
   - Make their voices heard OR elevate others’ voices
   - Show confidence OR show vulnerability
   - Teach others OR learn from others 
   
   
3. Share that many people will choose the first trait in each prompt because they associate leaders with people who are competitive, outgoing, and tell others what to do.
   SAMPLE SCRIPT: Did you mostly choose the first trait in each prompt? If so, you’re far from alone. For many of us, when we think of a leader, we picture someone — often a man — who is competitive, outgoing, and tells others what to do. But that image represents a narrow definition of leadership. This definition makes it hard for a lot of people to be seen as leaders and see themselves as leaders. It’s common, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only way to lead! In fact, there is no one way to lead, and this definition misses so much of what leadership is about. 
   
   
4. Invite your teen to do the exercise again. This time, have them call out the traits that most align with their personal values and who they are as leaders.  
   SAMPLE SCRIPT: Let’s do that exercise again. This time, let’s call out the traits that most align with our personal values and who we are as leaders. 
   
   
5. Read the below traits, pausing after each prompt to share your responses.
   - Are more competitive OR collaborative 
   - Tell people what to do OR rely on the collective wisdom of the group
   - Make their voices heard OR elevate others’ voices
   - Show confidence OR show vulnerability
   - Teach others OR learn from others 
   
   
6. Share that these are all leadership traits and that your teen shows leadership every day.  
   SAMPLE SCRIPT: The truth is, these are all leadership traits, and you model leadership in the actions you take every day. There are unfair ideas out there that the leadership traits girls more often exhibit – like being compassionate and inclusive – are less valuable. But that’s not true. The more you lead in your own way, and on your own terms, the more the world recognizes all the ways there are to lead.